When life becomes stale

I'm now in a state where I am so bored with my life that I am looking for trivial things to do rather than realistic or constructive interests.

I'm still feeling the blues. I still feel tired of doing anything. I feel the "sian-ness" of life doing banking, household chores, being chauffeur, thinking of what to do next, listening to mum's grumbles and nags (everyday without fail), clearing my workstation etc.

I still have this feeling of NOT wanting this life following behind me. Yet I am not doing anything to change. I am LAZY to do anything at all.

I'm feeling off balance, off key. I feel like there are a lot of things that I have to catch up with but I am unwilling to make the effort. I am in denial of my own past.

Could it be that all these while I have been trying to avoid or escape myself? I worked hard to stay away from thinking about all these things like what do I do next or what have I been doing to prepare myself for the future? Am I heading the right direction? Is the kind of relationship I have something worth it or should I just let it go? Should I do the unthinkable and do something crazy? Am I being a good person? Why is my mum always so critical of me and my brother? These questions will pop up anytime of the day. Making my day so tiring. Emotionally. And when I am emotionally tired it drains me physically and mentally as well.

Recently also I have been catching up on some of my friends whom I met in Perth few years through their blogs. How they have grown. How they have lived quite significantly and how they have expressed them. I feel a little envious. Why do they live such "happy" lives? What have I done that I do not feel happy with myself or my life? How is it that they have a "significant" and "wholesome" and even "colourful" daily activities or events happening in their lives?

I guess I am just plain lazy. Period.

I am too lazy to make the effort to make any changes in my life. I guess I am too lazy because I am afraid of the consequences or I do not have the confidence. Could be also that maybe I am afraid of failure or embarrassment or aiming to please everyone?

Well, I guess it's high time to do something about it isn't it? Got to find myself or re-invent myself once again.

But there is still one person in this world who will always be lazier than I am - my beloved brother Daz. No one can beat him to it. He's champion lazy arse. Ichiban!