Ever had a bunch of friends where, at one point of time, you realise that at least one or a couple of them start to wander away from the group? When you confront them, they tell you their reasons. I'm not saying it is wrong if they want to their separate lives. It is the way in which these people "leave" from the group that annoys and saddens me.
The group may not be that close either. But the fact that the group of friends have been hanging out together often enough to feel that someone is 'missing' should mean something.
Most often the MIA-ing results from one member having a new relationship ie having a girlfriend or boyfriend. The sudden new found experience would take their minds off everything else around them. They always give excuses not to hang out anymore. Or worse don't even respond. And when they do they either talk about the relationship a lot or they complain about it a lot. It's all else don't matter except the relationship.
Everything in their life revolves around this one person. I'm not saying that the notion of investing well in a relationship hoping that it would lead to marriage isn't a good thing. However, doing so at ones utmost for the sake of the relationship or girl/ guy and nothing else, I think may be a little too much. Whereby they 'neglect' those who kept them company when they were bored, or sad or tired from life, or just simply to share fun and happiness. They actually become a different person. It makes you wonder what they think about their friendships. Or whether the 'friendship' was just a sideshow until something better comes along.
I don't know. It bothers me. I must admit that I have such an experience before being the pain in everyone's arse. I've learnt from it the hard way. And I'm glad that my own friends forgave me, even without them saying so. I'm also glad because it just shows who your friends are and how understanding they can be. It makes you want to hold on to it much more because you know they cherish it as well. It makes your life more wholesome.
And I can't imagine, spending all the time and energy in this one relationship, in which you finally get married, then be with that person day in and day out, and not see your friends anymore for the rest of your life. I don't think life works that way.
As one grows older, old experiences teach you to be wiser, to not repeat mistakes (repeatedly) or enhance your life. I didn't want to get into relationships which takes you away from reality and the life you had. I didn't want the other person to 'control' me. Since I started going out with Pneo, I see things clearer and having the ability to grasp reality better. Pneo once said to me, "a relationship is an addition to your life". You can choose to have that person part of your life or you can have that person your life. That just described what I wanted all these while. Having the ability to just be yourself and do your thing plus having that assurance that there is someone with you. It enhances your life. It's bliss.
That being said and having experienced what those people are going through, I kind of understand why some of them end up falling into the latter choice. If they realise at all there was a choice. It is a very thin line. Sometimes you are so into a person you just want to provide as much as you can because you are happy and willing to do so. You feel happy seeing that person happy because you did something for them. It's like you want to have that feeling all the time and wish it would last forever.
Heck, it's almost a disease. The above is one of the many symptoms. Once you start showing any of those symptoms, there's no cure. It's called love by the way. You won't know until you have contracted it. You can only control it by not letting your entire heart be infected by it. By that I mean you ought to use your brains. Yes, it is still required. Putting your heart on your sleeves will only bring despair. Serious. I'm not joking.
...
Oh well. I'm just glad to know that I've learned some things in my life through seeing other people's actions and stories. The experiences were difficult and painful but I pulled through anyway. Life still goes on. It won't when you stop breathing. So I'm just going to have to learn to let go of my anger at some things. Afterall, I have been forgiven so why then should I give the holier-than-thou attitude towards these people.
Speaking of which, there are some things that I don't think I can let go of for life. One of them is not being able to stop feeling hugely irritated with people who chew their food with their mouths opened, at close range, over a quiet ambience! And I can't stand the same people doing that while staring at other people at the next table! And it makes my life even more miserable and tortured that they are old farts who look sleazy and uncouth! Makes me want to grab a chair nearby and smash their heads onto their plate of food repeatedly!
The group may not be that close either. But the fact that the group of friends have been hanging out together often enough to feel that someone is 'missing' should mean something.
Most often the MIA-ing results from one member having a new relationship ie having a girlfriend or boyfriend. The sudden new found experience would take their minds off everything else around them. They always give excuses not to hang out anymore. Or worse don't even respond. And when they do they either talk about the relationship a lot or they complain about it a lot. It's all else don't matter except the relationship.
Everything in their life revolves around this one person. I'm not saying that the notion of investing well in a relationship hoping that it would lead to marriage isn't a good thing. However, doing so at ones utmost for the sake of the relationship or girl/ guy and nothing else, I think may be a little too much. Whereby they 'neglect' those who kept them company when they were bored, or sad or tired from life, or just simply to share fun and happiness. They actually become a different person. It makes you wonder what they think about their friendships. Or whether the 'friendship' was just a sideshow until something better comes along.
I don't know. It bothers me. I must admit that I have such an experience before being the pain in everyone's arse. I've learnt from it the hard way. And I'm glad that my own friends forgave me, even without them saying so. I'm also glad because it just shows who your friends are and how understanding they can be. It makes you want to hold on to it much more because you know they cherish it as well. It makes your life more wholesome.
And I can't imagine, spending all the time and energy in this one relationship, in which you finally get married, then be with that person day in and day out, and not see your friends anymore for the rest of your life. I don't think life works that way.
As one grows older, old experiences teach you to be wiser, to not repeat mistakes (repeatedly) or enhance your life. I didn't want to get into relationships which takes you away from reality and the life you had. I didn't want the other person to 'control' me. Since I started going out with Pneo, I see things clearer and having the ability to grasp reality better. Pneo once said to me, "a relationship is an addition to your life". You can choose to have that person part of your life or you can have that person your life. That just described what I wanted all these while. Having the ability to just be yourself and do your thing plus having that assurance that there is someone with you. It enhances your life. It's bliss.
That being said and having experienced what those people are going through, I kind of understand why some of them end up falling into the latter choice. If they realise at all there was a choice. It is a very thin line. Sometimes you are so into a person you just want to provide as much as you can because you are happy and willing to do so. You feel happy seeing that person happy because you did something for them. It's like you want to have that feeling all the time and wish it would last forever.
Heck, it's almost a disease. The above is one of the many symptoms. Once you start showing any of those symptoms, there's no cure. It's called love by the way. You won't know until you have contracted it. You can only control it by not letting your entire heart be infected by it. By that I mean you ought to use your brains. Yes, it is still required. Putting your heart on your sleeves will only bring despair. Serious. I'm not joking.
...
Oh well. I'm just glad to know that I've learned some things in my life through seeing other people's actions and stories. The experiences were difficult and painful but I pulled through anyway. Life still goes on. It won't when you stop breathing. So I'm just going to have to learn to let go of my anger at some things. Afterall, I have been forgiven so why then should I give the holier-than-thou attitude towards these people.
Speaking of which, there are some things that I don't think I can let go of for life. One of them is not being able to stop feeling hugely irritated with people who chew their food with their mouths opened, at close range, over a quiet ambience! And I can't stand the same people doing that while staring at other people at the next table! And it makes my life even more miserable and tortured that they are old farts who look sleazy and uncouth! Makes me want to grab a chair nearby and smash their heads onto their plate of food repeatedly!
3 comments:
actually it's something that a lot of people have a misconception about. When people get married, they do become one, but they are also still two separate individuals with two different likes, dislikes, etc. Spending 100% of one's time with their partner and shutting off the rest of the world is unhealthy at any rate.
It's interesting that at weddings, people light the unity candle from their two candles, and then blow theirs out. I'd rather see them light the unity candle, but also maintain their own individual flame as well to show that they are still individuals. After all, God still sees us as individual beings.
Exactly! People take the 'for better or worse...till death do us part..' too literally LOL! Definitely unhealthy.
But when you're married that's fine. It would happen because of other commitments created within the marriage but it's the couples who aren't married yet that drives me to back on the wall and no where but up.
It's the way they behave that puts me off. They no longer have their individuality that they were so given.
well, it is annoying, yes. I agree with you completely. These friends just get so wrapped up in each other that nobody else seems to exist anymore. All their attention and time is focused on that person.
the worst thing is that if the relationship doesn't work out, they suddenly find themselves without much of a friend support network as they've ostracized most of their friends by then. Pretty sad.
moral of the story, don't make the relationship so exclusive that you can't enjoy the company of your other friends as well without the other half (bf/gf)
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