Pragmatic VS Overly Romantic Relationships

Thanks to recommendation from somebody in Facebook, I read this article with great interest and agreement. Do read the original article but below are some excerpts that particularly addresses some of my own thoughts on a practical relationship minus all the exaggerated fuss prior to marriage.

In her essay, Gottlieb likens a "good-enough marriage" to a small nonprofit business with a likeable mate who can problem solve...

... At the heart of the "good enough" argument is that too many of us have been brainwashed into a "fairy tales and fireworks" view of romance that lacks long-term stability. Gottlieb writes that marrying Mr. Good Enough is a viable option, especially if the goal is to land a reliable life partner and create a family.

"The point of the article is not to settle for any schmo off the street, but a good guy you like, enjoy the company of, and have realistic expectations of," she says.

..."We live in a culture where we're being told through all forms of media, 'Don't accept anything but the best.' We all marry 'the wrong person.' I think the real challenge of marriage is to get out of the romantic, over-idealized phase and into the 'now what' phase. Making adjustments, modifying expectations, and settling is something that happens throughout the entire relationship, not just the day you stand in front of the altar," he tells WebMD. "We need to broaden our view of what acceptable means."...

...A Pragmatic View of Marriage

Experts and married couples both agree: It's a fantasy to think you'll achieve perfection in a relationship. Chemistry, while important, is not all-important, and the "soul mate" concept sets the bar unrealistically high.

"The good-enough marriage that de-emphasizes romantic love in favor of a pragmatic relationship is a very important topic that addresses the idealization of romance and the failures that inevitably occur due to unattainable expectations," says Michael D. Zentman, PhD, director of the postgraduate program in marriage and couple therapy at Adelphi University.

Belinda Rachman, an attorney in Carlsbad, Calif., has been married to Eliot for more than 20 years. "I made a rational choice that had nothing to do with romantic love and have been very happy. I had a written 'man plan.' As each successive relationship failed, I took a look at what I had to have in a man, what qualities I had to have and what was negotiable; I knew I didn't want to go on another emotional roller-coaster ride. When I look at the utter mess made by couples who have based a marriage on being in love with no thought to basic compatibility, I know I made the right choice."...

...As we mature and learn more about who we are, recognize our inadequacies and learn to accept those of our mate, we are better equipped to "screen in" candidates who are good enough, experts say...

...Although everyone has different requirements of a potential spouse, experts offer five guidelines to help you determine the qualities needed for sharing "good enough" lifetime together.

Compatibility. "Similar styles in living, similar ways of operating, whether more rational or emotional, will help you avoid chronic disappointment," Weston says. Gottlieb speaks of lifestyles that can "meld."

Sexual Attraction. "You need adequate sexual attraction, some chemistry, but you each don't have to like 17 body parts," Weston says.

Similar Goals. You may have a laundry list of ideal qualities in a mate, but narrow down your list to three must-have traits, Schwartz suggests. "You only have so many "slots" someone can fulfill, whether it's a shared love of travel, a similar outlook on money, or raising children." Schwartz cautions about seeking what she calls "incongruent characteristics" from a partner. "Some women marry industry lions and then are surprised when they bite," she says.

Respect. "If you admire someone, you are way ahead," says Schwartz.

Gut Check. Finally, Weston suggests trusting your gut for clues on whether someone is good enough for you.