A tiring week.
Work was hectic as usual. Physically as well as mentally tiring. Thinking about the workload and the kind of crap that is coming and the inability to get them solved or completed is seriously starting to drain me emotionally too. The thought of being incompetent is too much to bear. God help me, please!
The public holiday on Thursday was supposed to help a bit but it only brought the workload forward to Friday. Even during the weekend I could not stop thinking about my work. I think I'm starting to "lose" it. What should I do? The only thing I know how to do now is take it as it comes and take it easy day by day.
Apart from that I realised that my weaknesses are now more apparent. How hard is it to speak up or be more strict with myself and the people I work with? Or is it really me - easily intimidated? I don't have enough confidence in all I do. I'm so fearful of something. I don't know what it is I fear. Failure? Embarrassment? Ignorance? I don't know.
I want to resign. I strongly feel that resigning is my only option. I feel like a loser in a race. I've tried all my best in terms of ability but I have not done enough in terms of courage and will to change things. I feel I cannot do either of this properly. Am I weak? Am I a coward?
Has the job made me this way or am I like this and I now see my true capabilities? It took me 42 months to quit that 1 U job, but only 6 months to make me raise the white flag for this one.
All I know now is to quit. I cannot continue anymore. I'm dying. I know I've asked for a job in the education line and I got it but sad to say it's "killing" me. Should I have been more specific? Or this just as far as I am supposed to go in this experience? Only He knows.
Damn it!
~@~@~
Anyway, on a happier note, my cousin and her parents came to visit. Took my mind off work by eating and eating and taking her shopping for shoes. Yeah! So fun. Well her brother is that brat I complained about in the earlier posts but shall not talk about him this time. Had Chili's and Friday's for dinner in this 2 days. Fat.
~@~@~
It's always good to spend time with my Pneo. Almost everyday now we spend our lunch time together. It's comforting when I am with him. I'm so glad.
We had breakfast together at McDonald's this morning. And I seem to have problems whenever I make orders. It's too dumb (or rather embarrassing) to mention here. Then later for lunch we had Nando's. Proceeded to his place for more chat.
I am still wondering how the hell the chicken got into the garden in the first place. Pneo's dog Mocha killed it and took a leg off (KFC Original drumstick, Mocha?).
Work was hectic as usual. Physically as well as mentally tiring. Thinking about the workload and the kind of crap that is coming and the inability to get them solved or completed is seriously starting to drain me emotionally too. The thought of being incompetent is too much to bear. God help me, please!
The public holiday on Thursday was supposed to help a bit but it only brought the workload forward to Friday. Even during the weekend I could not stop thinking about my work. I think I'm starting to "lose" it. What should I do? The only thing I know how to do now is take it as it comes and take it easy day by day.
Apart from that I realised that my weaknesses are now more apparent. How hard is it to speak up or be more strict with myself and the people I work with? Or is it really me - easily intimidated? I don't have enough confidence in all I do. I'm so fearful of something. I don't know what it is I fear. Failure? Embarrassment? Ignorance? I don't know.
I want to resign. I strongly feel that resigning is my only option. I feel like a loser in a race. I've tried all my best in terms of ability but I have not done enough in terms of courage and will to change things. I feel I cannot do either of this properly. Am I weak? Am I a coward?
Has the job made me this way or am I like this and I now see my true capabilities? It took me 42 months to quit that 1 U job, but only 6 months to make me raise the white flag for this one.
All I know now is to quit. I cannot continue anymore. I'm dying. I know I've asked for a job in the education line and I got it but sad to say it's "killing" me. Should I have been more specific? Or this just as far as I am supposed to go in this experience? Only He knows.
Damn it!
~@~@~
Anyway, on a happier note, my cousin and her parents came to visit. Took my mind off work by eating and eating and taking her shopping for shoes. Yeah! So fun. Well her brother is that brat I complained about in the earlier posts but shall not talk about him this time. Had Chili's and Friday's for dinner in this 2 days. Fat.
~@~@~
It's always good to spend time with my Pneo. Almost everyday now we spend our lunch time together. It's comforting when I am with him. I'm so glad.
We had breakfast together at McDonald's this morning. And I seem to have problems whenever I make orders. It's too dumb (or rather embarrassing) to mention here. Then later for lunch we had Nando's. Proceeded to his place for more chat.
I am still wondering how the hell the chicken got into the garden in the first place. Pneo's dog Mocha killed it and took a leg off (KFC Original drumstick, Mocha?).
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