Happy Belated Valentine's Day

Woww. I can't believe I didn't put up anything on Valentine's day in my blog. Well actually I did but there was nothing much passionate I would like to talk about that would excite me to put it up on time. Moreover preparations for Chinese New Year was more important than Valentine's. So I will put up the Valentine's posting today. Here goes:

Valentine’s is coming. Everyone is feeling the love bug going around. Couples want to cherish each other with flowers and chocolates and even lingerie and other sweet gifts. Others spend the time alone together with candle light dinner and there are even those who get married or spend their anniversaries on this day. It’s a big thing Valentines.

As for dear old me, Valentine’s is lonely. Yes most of the time, it is.

There were only 2 times I spent Valentine’s with that special someone. I’ve also celebrated it with a few close friends for the reason of not having a Valentine to celebrate with.

Now, I don’t even know what sort of relationship I am having – he and I are together yet at the same time it’s like a break up. Weird.

And it’s funny also that in your time of loneliness you just want to be lonely even more. You want to avoid the questions by people on whether you have a date or not etc. You also don’t want to hang out with your fellow friends because they have their own dates or they are a couple.

So what is the best solution? Well, you either get together with other single friends or stay at home and watch Valentine’s movies or enjoy yourself with a DIY spa.

Eventually the thought still lingers right after you close the door to your bedroom and put your head on the pillow. You’re supposed to be feeling rather light with all the extra attention and feeling like you have had the most wonderful feeling in the world - romance was in the air. Yet at that moment there was none. The sound of silence is eating at you while you try to sleep with nothingness in your mind. You feel like you want to cry out of sadness rather than in happiness.

The thought of knowing that you have someone out there loving you and expressing his undying love to you, always, but you cannot spend the time with that person at all. The feeling of “it is so near yet so far” seems like an eternity.

The worst is also when you know you like someone but that someone cannot return the feeling for you and he tells it to you in the face or indirectly. I think that hurts even more than having someone far away from your embrace. Rejection is more painful than missing somebody I guess.

But then again it is not as heart breaking and as long as having your own family member rejecting the person you think is the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, is it? Have you ever felt like that before my friends?

Have you ever also got hurt by a family member? The kind of heart breaking cut in your heart where you will bleed profusely and the wound closes after you try to forgive and forget, only to have it opened once in a while? You cry day and night wanting to escape and run away from it all. Run away and hide from ever confronting or remembering ever again. You try to blot it out. You try very hard to forget it so badly.

Either way it hurts. It hurts very deeply too. So deep that in your times of loneliness it flows right in to your mind like a nostalgic reminiscence. A nightmarish kind of déjà vu.

Sigh.

Like I said, Valentine’s to me is lonely and sad.

But it shall not deter me from wishing everyone out there a Happy Valentine’s Day! To all my family and friends and close colleagues – cheers (with a nice glass of champagne)!

Don’t forget dear old me when you guys get married, yes?

Happy Belated Valentine's Day.